Dear Children -
Someday, I hope you have kids of your own, and get to see the sheer joy and happiness of your own children being completely full of joy. Oh my goodness, do I love watching you when you are so thrilled, and excited, and having so much exuberant fun.
Love,
Me.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Make it STOP!!!
I like music. I even like most of the songs I am about to list here ... but I never ever ever want to hear them in another commercial - ever. For the rest of my life. Ever.
- Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
- The Story - Brandi Carlile
- Holiday - Vampire Weekend
- Soul Sister - Train
- New Soul - Yael Naim.
- Anything by the Avett Brothers, OK Go, or Michael Franti & Spearhead
Monday, December 27, 2010
Profile Pages
craigslist.org - I already wrote about how creepy these ads are. No thank you.
Plentyoffish.com - I can't get over that your name is trying to say "Plenty of Fish" but reads as "Plenty Offish" which makes me think of "Stand Offish" which makes me think it's snobby. Also, I can't stand the interface. Next, please.
Match.com - The "Big" player in online dating. Except, I'm cheap and I don't want to pay for cheesy pick up lines or subscribe in order to see who is viewing my profile.
eHarmony - won't let me look because my status is "separated" not "divorced." Very annoying - both on the part of eHarmony, and my ex.
okcupid - trying it out this week. It's free. It has interesting potential. We will see if anyone is brave enough to ask me out for coffee, given that I was honest about 1) my relationship status of "separated" 2) my weight and 3) that I am looking for new friends, not a long term relationship or marriage.
I'm not even sure what I *am* looking for. I'm emotionally done with my first marriage. I am not certain that I want a second. I do want companionship. I like the concept of sharing the work of a home. I am gun shy about being dependent on someone else.
What do I want?
Maybe that's the question everyone asks. There are practical answers, and emotional answers, and physical answers. But what is the right proportion of practical, emotional, and physical?
I don't know.
Plentyoffish.com - I can't get over that your name is trying to say "Plenty of Fish" but reads as "Plenty Offish" which makes me think of "Stand Offish" which makes me think it's snobby. Also, I can't stand the interface. Next, please.
Match.com - The "Big" player in online dating. Except, I'm cheap and I don't want to pay for cheesy pick up lines or subscribe in order to see who is viewing my profile.
eHarmony - won't let me look because my status is "separated" not "divorced." Very annoying - both on the part of eHarmony, and my ex.
okcupid - trying it out this week. It's free. It has interesting potential. We will see if anyone is brave enough to ask me out for coffee, given that I was honest about 1) my relationship status of "separated" 2) my weight and 3) that I am looking for new friends, not a long term relationship or marriage.
I'm not even sure what I *am* looking for. I'm emotionally done with my first marriage. I am not certain that I want a second. I do want companionship. I like the concept of sharing the work of a home. I am gun shy about being dependent on someone else.
What do I want?
Maybe that's the question everyone asks. There are practical answers, and emotional answers, and physical answers. But what is the right proportion of practical, emotional, and physical?
I don't know.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Do I have a "type"?
In the course of the past few weeks - in separate yet related discussions - it has come to my attention that I do not have a "type."
The smart-ass in me denies this. I assert that I am type O neg, and therefore, my type match must also be O neg to avoid harmful side effects such as blood clots that lead to stroke or heart attack. (An aside - I am a very nerdy smart ass.)
But that's not the type being discussed. Do I have a type? I don't think I do. I can't think of a "type" that fits the men I have dated or been interested in previously. The commonalities were:
- great smile
- articulate
- humorous
- taller than me
Is that sufficient for "typing"? (Shut up brain... puns about typing on the keyboard are NOT relevant to this thought process)
If you know me, do I have a type? And what type am I? Yeah, O neg.... I got that far.
The smart-ass in me denies this. I assert that I am type O neg, and therefore, my type match must also be O neg to avoid harmful side effects such as blood clots that lead to stroke or heart attack. (An aside - I am a very nerdy smart ass.)
But that's not the type being discussed. Do I have a type? I don't think I do. I can't think of a "type" that fits the men I have dated or been interested in previously. The commonalities were:
- great smile
- articulate
- humorous
- taller than me
Is that sufficient for "typing"? (Shut up brain... puns about typing on the keyboard are NOT relevant to this thought process)
If you know me, do I have a type? And what type am I? Yeah, O neg.... I got that far.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
stupid day
This was a day when everything at home went wrong. I woke up late. I couldn't find my keys. I yelled at my kids. I forgot to grab son's blanket once we were finally heading out the door. There wasn't coffee. Then I burned my hand when I made it. Then there were some meetings, and I was actually productive at work, then it was time to get the kids and finish Christmas shopping errands.
(Does anyone else have warning klaxons in their heads?)
In the course of our shopping excursion, two separate glass objects were broken, the things I needed to purchase DIDN'T get purchased, and I turned into that obnoxious bitchy mom that I hate being. What a freaking stupid day this was.
I hate being a yell-y mom. HATE HATE HATE. It makes me feel like a mean and terrible person, and turns into a spiral of loathing that is difficult to interrupt. Humor can pause the downward spiral... throwing things makes it worse. Mostly, I wish I wouldn't even get so angry. But I do... and there's a voice in my head that tells me I suck for it. It's hard to ignore it.
(Does anyone else have warning klaxons in their heads?)
In the course of our shopping excursion, two separate glass objects were broken, the things I needed to purchase DIDN'T get purchased, and I turned into that obnoxious bitchy mom that I hate being. What a freaking stupid day this was.
I hate being a yell-y mom. HATE HATE HATE. It makes me feel like a mean and terrible person, and turns into a spiral of loathing that is difficult to interrupt. Humor can pause the downward spiral... throwing things makes it worse. Mostly, I wish I wouldn't even get so angry. But I do... and there's a voice in my head that tells me I suck for it. It's hard to ignore it.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
forest vs. trees
It's the holiday season... jingle bells, fa la la, etc.
It's parties, and cookies, and Children's services, and presents and cards and shopping and wrapping paper and stamps to express appreciation.
It's work, and school, and snow, and cold, and on and on and on until your head spins and you just want to yell "STOP THE CRAZY!"
In other words, I've been missing the forest for the trees.... again.
It is the holiday season.
It is Thanksgiving for the blessings within my life, and the lives of those I love. Thankfulness for health, hearth, and home. Thankfulness for bounty, and goodness.
It is Christmas... the Christ Mass.... to celebrate the birth of my savior and the promises God fulfilled through that infant born in a manger.
It is a New Year... a new start... new opportunities and new blessings to come, and a remembrance of the year past - with wisdom gained from the forgiven mistakes.
If I can stop running around and crashing into the trees, I find that I am in the middle of a very peaceful forest.
It's parties, and cookies, and Children's services, and presents and cards and shopping and wrapping paper and stamps to express appreciation.
It's work, and school, and snow, and cold, and on and on and on until your head spins and you just want to yell "STOP THE CRAZY!"
In other words, I've been missing the forest for the trees.... again.
It is the holiday season.
It is Thanksgiving for the blessings within my life, and the lives of those I love. Thankfulness for health, hearth, and home. Thankfulness for bounty, and goodness.
It is Christmas... the Christ Mass.... to celebrate the birth of my savior and the promises God fulfilled through that infant born in a manger.
It is a New Year... a new start... new opportunities and new blessings to come, and a remembrance of the year past - with wisdom gained from the forgiven mistakes.
If I can stop running around and crashing into the trees, I find that I am in the middle of a very peaceful forest.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
On death and tap dancing
Friday - Holiday dance recital and lots of messy snow.
Saturday - snow shoveling, Christmas tree decorating, Holiday dance recital, present shopping.
Sunday - crazy day with lunatic children, message from my mom and no chance to call her back.
Monday - Called mom back. My aunt had had a serious stroke, and the prognosis wasn't good. Call later that morning to say aunt had passed away. Leave work early, cry, talk to family, and figure out travel plans, arrangements,
Tuesday - Cram a lot of work into a day. Pick out gifts for Toys for Tots. Shop for yarn. Go to tap class.
It is a weird mental juxtaposition to me to put death and tap dancing next to each other. But the events of this month have been marked by those things. The still quietness of death... the vibrant noisy tempo of tap....
I love my aunt. I am sad that I won't see her again on this Earth. Her laughter, and humor, and beautiful kindness will be missed by more people than just me. There's a stillness in my heart where her memory lives.
I love my tap class. I enjoy the challenge to my feet, the sounds, the rhythm, the energy of movement. It makes me laugh and smile, even when I frown at my misbehaving heels, toes, shuffles, spanks, and taps.
Stillness and noise. Sorrow and joy. Tears and laughter.
Saturday - snow shoveling, Christmas tree decorating, Holiday dance recital, present shopping.
Sunday - crazy day with lunatic children, message from my mom and no chance to call her back.
Monday - Called mom back. My aunt had had a serious stroke, and the prognosis wasn't good. Call later that morning to say aunt had passed away. Leave work early, cry, talk to family, and figure out travel plans, arrangements,
Tuesday - Cram a lot of work into a day. Pick out gifts for Toys for Tots. Shop for yarn. Go to tap class.
It is a weird mental juxtaposition to me to put death and tap dancing next to each other. But the events of this month have been marked by those things. The still quietness of death... the vibrant noisy tempo of tap....
I love my aunt. I am sad that I won't see her again on this Earth. Her laughter, and humor, and beautiful kindness will be missed by more people than just me. There's a stillness in my heart where her memory lives.
I love my tap class. I enjoy the challenge to my feet, the sounds, the rhythm, the energy of movement. It makes me laugh and smile, even when I frown at my misbehaving heels, toes, shuffles, spanks, and taps.
Stillness and noise. Sorrow and joy. Tears and laughter.
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