In list format (lists! The lazy way to organize the internet!) these are my assumptions, values, and approaches to parenting. I'm sharing this, because maybe someday my children will find this blog and want to know WHY. But probably not.
- Humans start out as savages. Seriously. Infants are demanding, hungry, uncivilized tyrants who need to be fed on demand, sleep whenever they feel like it, poop themselves and expect to be cleaned, and REQUIRE extreme acts of love and devotion to thrive. And parents do this because of the cocktail of hormones our brains produce that view the tyrant as the most amazing and wondrous creature in the known universe. As far as I can tell... it doesn't wear off. My infants are still the most amazing and wondrous creatures, ever. HOWEVER, as a more experienced human, I also know uncivilized tyrants usually end up dead. So, I teach them general civilization because I'm the parent. Potty training, basic hygeine, food preparation, saying please and thanks, and why hitting your sibling doesn't end well.
- Kindness, compassion, and listening are IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS. This seems to go against most of the cultural programming of modern American life. I don't give a shit if my kids have the highest grades, the fastest times, the newest computer games, the most dance or karate medals, play 4 sports, etc. I care that my kids know the planet is full of humans, just like them, with hopes, dreams, skills, and abilities. I want them to know that even if they meet a stupid jerkface, the right thing to do is listen to the opinion, evaluate it against what they know and believe, and engage kindly if possible, or walk away if not.
- Vulnerability is strength in action, not weakness. To be vulnerable is to say, I am strong enough to share my fears. I am trusting that sharing will make it easier, not harder. I believe that seeking help is good.
- Failures and consequences are awesome. Trying new things is fun! Change can be hard, but fear isn't a reason to stop and give up, fear is a signal to approach it a little differently. We learn more from failing than we do from success.
- Do your best. Always do your best. It matters not how another human judges your effort, but if you have made that effort the best you were capable of - you can be proud.
- Be honest and tell the truth. When you set a precedent for honesty and truth telling combined with habits of compassionate listening - people will listen and trust what you say to them. Even if they don't want to hear it, honest words spoken compassionately are easier to accept.
- Use your words. Humans are such complicated beings, with so many amazing abilities, and yet, we can't read each other's minds. (Thanks, God! Appreciate that!!!) So use words to communicate, to share your thoughts and let the people who love you know what you need. They won't know if you don't tell.
And that's basically it.
TL; DR version: Parenting = loving savages enough to teach them how to love.
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