Stupid animals

There are numerous troubles with pets.  They love you when you feel unlovable. They plop right down next to you, or on top of you when you'd rather just be left alone.   Somehow,  their head seems to end up under your hand, and the next thing you now, the opportunistic attention whores are getting a scalp massage, and you are starting to feel like maybe the world doesn't suck after all.  Stupid animal, ruining a perfectly fine sulk.

As if that wasn't enough, they stalk you. Oh, they'll play it off like they just want to be fed, or hey, what a coincidence that you are sitting on the exact same chair they wanted.  But its a lie.  You feed them, or give up the chair - and they STILL follow you around. Like they like you or something. When you finally do sit down, it's all "Whoops! My head is accidentally under your hand again, I guess you want to pet my head then? Okay!"  Accidental my ass.  You were head-butting my hand until I lifted it up, Cat.  I'm onto you.

Basically, these idiot pets act like you are some sort of amazing, wonderful love-being.  Then you get accustomed to them being all funny, and quirky, and follow-aroundy.  They brain wash you into LIKING IT BACK when they jump on your head, or head-butt your hand,  or groom your ear after you get home.

They save the worst for last though.  After you are fully and totally brainwashed, convinced that annoying little love-beast is necessary for continued daily routine life, accepting their misguided believe in your awesomeness...  the stupid animal goes away.  They leave life behind by getting too old to head butt you,  or too sick to stalk you,  or hit by a car that didn't see them in the street.  And they die.

Then what can you do?  Nothing.  There is no answer to this.  You miss the rotten, fluffy, stupid head butting, quiet companionship.  You pretend it's normal to sit on the couch by yourself with a book, and weep quietly because no one is poking holes in your leg. no one is dropping a soggy tennis ball in your lap, no one looking at you, then at an empty food dish with GREAT MEANING.  You cry, because you think maybe you were an amazing love-being for them after all, but you can't tell that stupid animal "Thank you for teaching me."


In memory of Dixie Diamond, a cat,  and Esther P. Moonshine, a dog.

Adulthood DOES NOT Suck

Things I've been considering lately, that I think suck about current media practices:

• Adulthood doesn't suck, and the glorification of a "carefree youth" is bullshit.  Youth is full of care, and ask any 20 something with college debt what they can get that's free.  They'll laugh their asses off at you.
• Wrinkles, gray hair, and a need for sleep are not bad. 
• Wisdom, yo. What's with the dumbing down of dads and turning them into caricatures of  wisdom? Stop that. It's demeaning, and does nothing to promote positive images of parenthood.  Want fewer single moms?  Stop showing dads as idiots. They aren't.

I know, this is a list. The ideas are not complete, and could use more details and expository text. But, that's all I have time for today, and I'd rather write something than nothing. 

Facts of Life and Death

Cast list:
- Yard bunny
- Cat 1
- Cat 2
- Puppy
- Daughter

Setting:  A suburban yard that boasts dandlions, trees, a picnic table, and a child-designed hammock swing.

Bunny:  "Hey look at that, some new dandelion leaves. Those babies are the best!"
(Bunny hops out of rabbit hole, and begins chomping on dandelion)

Cat 1: "Hey, look at that, a new bunny!  Those babies are the best!"
Cat 2: "Hey, back off! I saw that bunny first!"
(Cat 2 and Cat 1 gang up on yard bunny, preventing escape back to rabbit hole)

Bunny:  Oh SHIT! Oh SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!

Puppy: Oh hey guys! Can I play? Yes! I love this game. I love this game I love this game! Chase is the best!
(Puppy starts chasing cats.)

Cats: Ugh. That puppy. She ruins everything.
(Cats stop chasing, pretend that all along, they were sitting by the picnic table, grooming themselves.  Bunny stops running from cats.)

Puppy:  CHOMP!  (muffled) Hey, cats, I got dis fing you chased. I won? Did I win?

Daughter: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! No! No puppy!! We don't chomp bunnies!!!!

Value Added Parenting

In list format (lists! The lazy way to organize the internet!) these are my assumptions, values, and approaches to parenting.  I'm sharing this, because maybe someday my children will find this blog and want to know WHY.  But probably not.

- Humans start out as savages.  Seriously. Infants are demanding, hungry, uncivilized tyrants who need to be fed on demand, sleep whenever they feel like it, poop themselves and expect to be cleaned, and REQUIRE extreme acts of love and devotion to thrive.  And parents do this because of the cocktail of hormones our brains produce that view the tyrant as the most amazing and wondrous creature in the known universe.  As far as I can tell... it doesn't wear off. My infants are still the most amazing and wondrous creatures, ever. HOWEVER,  as a more experienced human, I also know uncivilized tyrants usually end up dead. So, I teach them general civilization because I'm the parent. Potty training, basic hygeine,  food preparation, saying please and thanks, and why hitting your sibling doesn't end well.

- Kindness, compassion, and listening are IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS.  This seems to go against most of the cultural programming of modern American life. I don't give a shit if my kids have the highest grades, the fastest times, the newest computer games, the most dance or karate medals, play 4 sports, etc.  I care that my kids know the planet is full of humans, just like them, with hopes, dreams, skills, and abilities.  I want them to know that even if they meet a stupid jerkface, the right thing to do is listen to the opinion, evaluate it against what they know and believe, and engage kindly if possible, or walk away if not.

- Vulnerability is strength in action, not weakness.   To be vulnerable is to say, I am strong enough to share my fears. I am trusting that sharing will make it easier, not harder.  I believe that seeking help is good.

- Failures and consequences are awesome.  Trying new things is fun! Change can be hard, but fear isn't a reason to stop and give up,  fear is a signal to approach it a little differently.  We learn more from failing than we do from success.

- Do your best.  Always do your best. It matters not how another human judges your effort,  but if you have made that effort the best you were capable of - you can be proud.

- Be honest and tell the truth. When you set a precedent for honesty and truth telling combined with habits of compassionate listening - people will listen and trust what you say to them.  Even if they don't want to hear it, honest words spoken compassionately are easier to accept.

- Use your words.  Humans are such complicated beings, with so many amazing abilities, and yet, we can't read each other's minds. (Thanks, God! Appreciate that!!!)  So use words to communicate, to share your thoughts and let the people who love you know what you need.  They won't know if you don't tell.

And that's basically it.

TL; DR version:  Parenting = loving savages enough to teach them how to love.

Family Trees

There's family you grow up with,  and family you give birth to, and if you are lucky  - at some point in your life you realize you have a family that you made.

I have a huge family - related by blood and birth and marriage.  They are a mixed bag of awesome, crazy, obnoxious, and loving.  Some are narcissistic, snobby, uptight.  Some are the very epitome of red-neck trailer trash. It's a very broad spectrum.  Not surprising, I suppose, when the count of first cousins reaches higher than 50 without including in-laws.  It's a big family tree by any measure.  I'm stuck with that family.  I love them, they love me. I'm closer to some of those branches than others, and it's okay.  They are my roots and have helped me to grow strong.

All the same - I'm one of the "strange" fruits on my family tree, and they don't always know what to do with me.  I've bucked the traditions of my upbringing in a conservative church.  I don't agree with or conform to the expectations of my youth.  I choose my own path.  It causes some consternation in my close knit family. I don't rub their faces in my life choices, nor do I let their concerns impede what I know is right for me. I will love them where they are.  They try to do the same for me, as best as they are able.  I will love and support their endeavors to the best of my abilities, even when it requires a love buffer.

And then there's my other family - the dear people in the world who have.... I don't even know the verb I want here.  Helped. Held. Hugged. Loved. Waited. Stood near.  These are the people who have seen my worst and best moments. They are not blood relations, nor people I've known since birth - but they are a group of people who I can only think of as soul siblings - like the spirits that inhabit our bodies just KNOW each other, without words. They offer a sense of resonance and completion whether we are together or distant.  Their presence in the world enriches and strengthens my life.  Sometimes the connection is evident on a first meeting - like love at first site without all that romantic nonsense added by movies.

These people are also my family, and often closer than family.  They are the people who let me be as I am in the world, and they are glorious.  It's like having a forest of family trees.